…get me in a lot of trouble.

I got disappointed this week.

Disclaimer: I’m only telling this story because I think it contains some valuable lessons. The details don’t matter—this is about my personal failure, nothing else.

# # # # #

A couple of years ago I was invited to be a very small part of a project. No contracts or financial commitments, just a small once-per-week contribution. Four other people, all much more qualified and credible, also joined. I felt pleased and honored to be included.

The basic idea was that we would all place a drop or two in the pond, and hopefully a few folks would benefit from a much-needed cool drink. The only “payback” was some publicity and perhaps a bit of potential traffic to my own site. In my case, an added benefit involved association with four experienced, well-known writers.

After a few months, the others began to drop away. Their contributions became less regular, then disappeared completely. No explanation—they just vanished. With a couple of intermittent exceptions, I was the sole contributor for more than a year. During that period, the only feedback I received was a terse admonition that I’d violated the guidelines by improperly promoting my speaking availability. I whined a bit and removed the offending material.

Why did I continue? I made a commitment to someone who helped me, and I wanted to keep that commitment. I also knew that a fair number of folks were continuing to visit, so I figured someone was finding value. I don’t want to over-play this—it really wasn’t a big amount of additional time or effort. I hoped I was helping the visitors and the person who originally invited me to join.

At least that’s what I told myself.

THE END

This week I received a form email informing me that the project was discontinued.

I have no clue what happened, why the others dropped out, or why the project ended. Don’t know whether I did something wrong or offended someone, whether my contributions were bad or inappropriate or worthless. And since I didn’t know, I of course made all sorts of wild speculations.

# # # # #

Before we go any farther, let’s be clear—this is in no way a criticism of anyone else. I’m not looking for sympathy. I relate this story only because I want to share what I learned.

What I mostly learned is to be highly suspicious of my own motives. Did you catch the lie at the beginning of this essay? “I got disappointed this week.”

Why should I be disappointed? I made an open-ended, no-strings-attached commitment to someone else’s worthwhile project. I kept my end of the bargain. The project ended. So what’s the source of my feeling of disappointment?

After all, I was just being a good guy, serving selflessly, trying to help—how could that possibly lead to disappointment?

You see it, right? The problem resides in my own heart. I didn’t “get disappointed.” I’m disappointed because I harbored a whole set of unspoken expectations that weren’t met.

So here’s a partial list of reminders to self:

Don’t “serve” with the expectation of getting something in return. That’s not service, it’s manipulation. Doesn’t work with people or with God.

Don’t say “Yes” from a sense of obligation. Never begin or continue anything because of a “should.” Better to say “No” than to agree out of guilt or compulsion. The world already has plenty of self-created martyrs.

If I don’t want to do something but I believe it’s the right thing to do, first change my attitude. If I can agree because I sincerely WANT to do what’s right, not because I think I should, then go for it. Otherwise, decline honestly.

Assume best intentions on the part of others. Nothing positive’s accomplished by ascribing evil motives. Nobody’s out to get me. Assuming the worst involves creating imaginary, much-worse-than-real-life monsters. Instead of inserting my own interpretations and “reading between the lines,” how about just being open about questions or concerns?

Nobody “owes” me anything. Let go of the sense of entitlement. I’m not owed gratitude, an apology, forgiveness, or anything else. Those are only worthwhile when offered freely—demanding them only insures false, hollow interactions.

(False) HUMILITY

Someone once offered a wise way to examine my inflated sense of self-importance:

When you begin to think you’re indispensible, stick your finger in a glass of water. Then pull it out, and see how much of a hole remains.

The world, and God’s plan, move forward—with or without me. I’m free to contribute and serve with an attitude of humility.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. [Galatians 5:1]

I’m free to live without guilt and expectations. I’m free to value love and relationships.

Or I can choose to live in a self-constructed prison of doubt and manipulation.

Doesn’t seem like a very difficult choice.

Obedience without surrender is manipulation.

Confession without repentance is bragging.

Have you created unspoken expectations in an attempt to manipulate yourself, others, or even God? What are they, and how do you let them go?

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It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. [Galatians 5:1]

How much do we limit ourselves with a misguided sense of obligation?

Yesterday I wrote about Service Without Strings and a call to love without expecting anything in return. As humans, we tend to put conditions and limits on our love. Even when we really try to remove the strings, I suspect a few always remain. The best we can do is be aware, do our best to remove them, and seek forgiveness when we fail.

AGAPE

I wonder whether I act as though God’s love comes with strings attached.

God doesn’t operate under human constraints. He doesn’t love us because He needs us or wants something from us or because He seeks to control us. I don’t have to earn it, and I couldn’t even if I tried. His love just is; that’s His essence and His nature. God’s love comes with no strings attached.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. [1 John 4:16]

God is love as a noun—He’s perfect, unconditional agape in its purest sense. I wonder if we really get that?

Too frequently, following Jesus carries a stigma of forced compliance, a laundry list of perceived requirements and obligations. But that’s all human legalism. Jesus didn’t call us from one sort of slavery into another. His teaching sets us free by guiding us toward the path for which we were designed.

God’s love is free. It’s a gift of grace. Period. Like any true gift, it’s mine to enjoy. All I need to do is open my hands and accept it. And if I choose to reject the gift, that doesn’t diminish it or make it disappear. It’s still there, waiting for me to unwrap it. But I can’t enjoy the gift and its benefits until I accept it.

GRATITUDE

When someone gives me a gift, I say “Thank you.” I don’t do that because it’s an obligation, I do it because I’m thankful. Expressing gratitude isn’t a requirement, it’s a privilege.

I don’t worship and serve to earn God’s love or because He demands or expects it. I don’t do them to retain God’s approval, to make sure He’s in my corner when I need Him.  I do those things from a sense of gratitude.

The sense of guilt and regret that we carry around is not God’s desire. He sent Jesus to free us from all of that. He doesn’t want us to follow Jesus out of some warped compulsion, as though we need to obey the rules to avoid punishment. He doesn’t want reluctant compliance, as though following Him is a required and unwanted burden.

FREEDOM

Jesus had the power of the universe at His fingertips. He was completely free to choose, but He selected the difficult path of obedience. I don’t think He felt compelled or obligated. He chose sacrificial love—no strings attached.

God doesn’t need me to follow His rules, and He certainly doesn’t need me to feel guilty when I fail. We make it too complicated, imposing our own maze of formulas and theologies onto His simple framework.

I believe that God smiles when I follow Jesus because Jesus walked the path to true freedom. That’s what He wants for me, and that’s what He wants for you.

Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

I’m content to leave it at that.

We will strive to demonstrate God’s love—with no strings attached.

Are you ever tempted to attach strings to God’s love?

Did you enjoy this article? Please leave a comment, visit my website, and/or send me an email at rich@richdixon.net.

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If I’ve learned anything from the accident that confined me to a wheelchair, it’s the principle that my journey is not the product of luck or fate or blind random chance.

The path I follow is determined by my choices.

Do I believe I made a choice to break my neck? Of course not—my injury resulted from a freak accident. No one caused me to tumble awkwardly from a roof, and I absolutely do not believe that paralysis was God’s plan for me. Evil rules this world; accidents happen, and too frequently one person acts in ways that harm others.

I also believe that the world abounds with good. People make decisions that bless and enrich others. With a subtle twist, the result of my fall might have been a bruise or a broken leg. That’s the nature of accidents.

But the incidents and events I encounter do not determine the nature of my journey. I alone make the choices that define the course.

The enemy wants me to believe that I’m a product of circumstance, a prisoner of luck or past events. He desperately screams that I’m damaged and broken beyond repair, that I’m a prisoner of misfortune and guilt. His misinformation campaign tells me I’ll never escape from the iron bars forged by accidents and mistakes.

Like all effective propaganda, this lie begins with truth. I am a broken person. Rocks and boulders litter portions of my path. Some are the result of my own bad decisions, others are just accidents, and a few of them may be intentionally placed by cruelty or evil. But that’s not the entire truth.

Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8: 31b-32

Jesus is the truth; if I know Him, I’m free. I am not hostage to the past, and I’m not a prisoner of the enemy’s lie that attempts to define me by circumstance. I choose Jesus. I know the truth. I’m free. That’s the truth that defines the nature of my journey.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Jesus offers freedom from the past, freedom from bondage to circumstances. I can choose to travel my path in Jesus’ footsteps, and that choice defines the path.

I still make mistakes, and bad things still happen. But God redeems broken circumstances and broken people—that’s the message of SetFreeToday.

Jesus doesn’t offer a magic shield from tragedy, misfortune, and the consequences of error. He simply offers to walk with us, to show us the way of freedom from the enemy’s lie.

That’s the truth—the truth that sets us free!

Question: What’s one issue or event that threatens to define you as a prisoner of circumstance?

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Dylan continues progress that’s encouraging but far too slow. His parents still face difficult medical choices. Please continue to support them in prayer. To put a very cute little face with your prayers, visit Dylan’s website: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dylanm

Mike and his family confront the difficult reality of life with a spinal cord injury. Thank you for your continued prayers. If you’d like to read more about Mike and offer some words of encouragement, here’s a link to his story: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikekabat

Please leave a comment, visit my website, and/or send me an email at rich@richdixon.net. 

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