What did you learn?

The big event’s over, the project’s complete, the crisis has subsided—now what?

My “teacher mentality” trained me to move on to whatever’s next. Get ready for the next class, the next lesson, the next unit. It just keeps coming, and there’s little time to reflect.

It’s a huge lost opportunity. It’s as if we’re drowning in the chaos of input and the demands of “What’s next?” New stuff—data, information, technology—gets the attention, and we’re tempted to miss the chance to look back, analyze what happened, and learn from the experience. I think we sometimes confuse “what’s new?” with “what’s best?”

I get it. I need to keep moving, living in the present while looking forward to “What’s next?” Past is past, can’t change it, no point in dwelling on it.

Maybe not.

Maybe wisdom comes from reflection, stopping occasionally to ponder steps taken and seek patterns. It’s not about dwelling on the past as much as taking advantage of it. Sometimes “right now” doesn’t make much sense, but if I examine where I’ve been and project that forward I discover something useful.

So since I just achieved one of my three big goals of 2010 by doing the Bouncing Back workshop at a retreat, this seems like a good time to list a few answers to “What did you learn?”

The only way to find out whether it works it to put it all out there. Planning and talking about it only take you so far. At some point you just have to lay it on the line and see what happens.

It’s a huge risk, because the truth is that it might not work. You may fail or get laughed out of the building. But the only alternative is to hide in the shadows and wonder “what if …?”

Others want you to succeed. When people buy your product or pay to hear your ideas or even visit your Facebook page, they WANT to see value, quality, and success. They hope for encouragement and smiles.

There will always be a few trolls who look for something to complain about. Sadly, they enjoy wallowing in the mud, and you’ll never please them anyway.

Accept encouragement. Remember that “encourage” means giving courage. Since people want you to do well, they will lift you up and encourage you to keep going. Don’t dismiss their support with some sort of false humility. There’s nothing wrong with allowing others to impart a shot of confidence.

Allow others to serve. A young man approached me Friday evening and asked if he could set up computer, projector, and other technology stuff. He saw the video camera and volunteered to take care of that process. During the entire weekend I never had to even think about technology.

On Sunday, this guy packed everything away and stacked it all neatly by the door. Then he walked up to me, shook my hand, and said, “Thank you for letting me help.”

Seems backwards—shouldn’t I have been thanking him? It’s a great reminder that allowing others to serve is a gift, that perhaps “doing it all myself” might be selfish.

Ignore critics, and listen carefully to feedback. I’ve written about Criticism vs Feedback. I’ve published a free e-book titled Sticks and Stones—download it from my Resources page if you’re interested. “Constructive criticism” is an oxymoron.

But I did receive some great feedback. I learned what worked well and identified some ideas that just didn’t connect. One particular section obviously didn’t work at all.

The next (hopefully) version of the workshop will be better because I learned from this one.

“Needs improvement” isn’t the same as “failure.” The weekend was a success. Certain parts could be improved, but that’s ALWAYS the case. Learning from mistakes doesn’t require regret or guilt.

It’s not about ideas and content—it’s about stories and relationships. What’s “it”? Anything that matters.

Content—good and bad—fades with time. Think back to your school experiences, and I’ll bet you remember your good teachers even if you can’t recall the details of their instruction.

In any circumstance, lasting value is created when people connect in authentic, transparent ways.

It’s not about me. See above. Whether I’m selling books or posting on the web site or responding to email, it’s about relationships and stories and how God works through those connections.

Plan a lot, and then plan to let it happen. Whatever you’re planning, it won’t occur exactly as you envision. And that’s a good thing, because the best memories usually arise from interruptions.

My prayer for the weekend, and for everything I do, is that God will surprise me. He did, and He always does. I just need to be quiet and get out of the way.

What can you add? What have you learned from a significant event?

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Here’s proof that there’s a big difference between failing and being a failure.

If you can’t see the video, click here to view it on my site.

Have a great weekend!

**This article is a re-post from March 9, 2009. I’m re-visiting the archives while my wife and I enjoy a few days of vacation.

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re somehow supposed to be in charge?

Occasionally I let myself get overwhelmed by the awesome responsibility of representing Christ in the world. When I think about letting my actions speak for me, I’m afraid that I’m not happy with the message communicated by my behaviors.

I think we get a bit too impressed with ourselves. We buy the American message that God helps those who help themselves (Benjamin Franklin). We want to seize the helm and guide the ship in the right direction. Somehow I believe that I’m responsible, that God’s work won’t get accomplished unless I make it happen.

In one sense, that’s correct. It’s my job to be “Jesus with skin on” to everyone I meet. I am the person He sent onto my particular path, and it’s not okay to let opportunities pass by to share Jesus’ love.

But there’s a huge difference in emphasis. I need to between accept responsibility for my own behaviors and how those behaviors represent Christ. But I don’t need to save the world—that job’s done. God’s purposes will be accomplished despite my failures and mistakes. He’s in control.

I think this is such an important distinction because a sense of guilt results when we take too much upon our shoulders. God understands our weaknesses and limitations. He doesn’t ask us to do it all, only to do what we can, acknowledge our mistakes, and move forward in love. He’s got the ship firmly in His control.

I think He expects our best, but not more. We must remember the basic truths about our role as creature rather than Creator.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Don’t fall into feeling guilty when you fail. Don’t fall into feeling guilty when you miss an opportunity to express Jesus’ love. Don’t fall into feeling guilty about not doing more to save the world.

In fact, don’t fall into feeling guilty—period! Nothing you can do can make God love you one bit more or less. That’s what makes us free, and it’s also a wonderfully mysterious paradox. As soon as you stop feeling guilty because you don’t do everything, you’re immediately empowered to do more than you ever imagined!

What’s a failure you need to release to Jesus?

 The ultimate measure of a person is not where one stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where one stands in times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King 

Have you ever thought you were too weak to help?

It’s easy to imagine someone who’s better qualified, tempting to believe that your personal failures render you useless. We all want to conceal our dirty laundry, but followers of Christ must remember that we’re called to serve where we are and to offer ourselves in that service. We’re all gifted so we can offer those gifts in service to others.

I prefer to think in terms of ”serving” rather than “helping”. For me, service better conveys Jesus’ attitude. He didn’t assist from a position of superiority. Instead, He chose to step into the position of servant. He modeled service based on humility and calls us to follow Him.

If you’ve ever believed you are too damaged, too weak, or too broken to contribute, here are some questions to consider.

If God can’t use broken people, who will He use?

Let’s face it—God works through His people, and we’re all damaged goods. Acknowledging brokenness is a necessary step in following Jesus because it gets you on the path to service. We need to understand that everyone on that path is messed up.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. [Matthew 5:3]

In the first of The Beatitudes, Jesus blesses the “poor in spirit,” those who recognize their dependence on God. Then He hands us the keys to His kingdom.

Why hide your light?

Jesus didn’t talk so much to the stars of the religious community, those who had all the answers and stood apart from those in need. He spoke instead to the poor in spirit and the meek, the broken people who had no status or authority.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. [Matthew 5:14-16]

He gave you a light. Don’t hide it.

If you’re stuck in a hole, wouldn’t you want to meet someone who’s been there and knows the way out?

We’ve all experienced struggle and grief. Bad stuff happens, life isn’t fair, and we’ve all lived with consequences of unfortunate choices. Our hope lies in God’s promise that He won’t waste our pain.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. [Romans 8:28] 

God creates beauty from the junk in our lives. Let’s offer it to Him, and to His people, in service and love—because He first loved us.

People often ask, “Who am I to …?” A better question might be, “Who are you NOT to …?”

It’s uncomfortable to publically acknowledge personal failure. In an image-conscious culture, we work hard to hide imperfections and mistakes.

We need to be clear about why we’re sharing. I shouldn’t dump on someone who’s already hurting just to make myself feel better. I must be careful about telling someone “I know how you feel,” because I probably don’t.

Nobody has made more of a mess in their life than I did. No one has squandered God’s blessings more carelessly. I am absolutely not qualified or worthy.

Relentless Grace isn’t my story, it’s God’s story. Who am I NOT to share the hope that comes from knowing that God will never give up on any of us? That’s a light that needs to be displayed for all to see.

If you’ve messed up, welcome to the human race. There’s no shame in failure and a great deal of anxiety in hiding it. Don’t be afraid to offer the gift of your experience. To someone else, it may be priceless.

What difficult experience can you offer to someone who needs it?

Sometimes the greatest heroes aren’t the strongest or the most talented. Sometimes the greatest heroes are the people who simply show up.

Did you enjoy this article? Please leave a comment, visit my website, and/or send me an email at rich@richdixon.net.

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Help or Service?

Happy Saturday! If you’re new to THE CRAZY QUEST, you may wish to read about it here. Basically, I’m tracing my journey as I attempt to answer the question:

What would you do if you didn’t know you couldn’t do it?

This week of training: 13 miles

BACKSLIDING

Stumbling isn’t falling.

This wasn’t a good week for The Crazy Quest.

I only rode one day, a grand total of thirteen miles. If you’ve been following this adventure, you’ll know that a real slide from a normal 5-6 days and more than 100 miles.

I could offer many excuses. Bad weather, didn’t feel really good, writing deadlines—but they’re just excuses. Fact is, it was a week of backsliding.

Backsliding happens. Whatever your particular quest, it’s a fact of life. Maybe it’s a diet or a workout program or a struggle to kick an addiction. Maybe it’s daily prayer and quiet time with God, or reading the Bible. Doesn’t matter—for most of us, backsliding is a reality at some point in the journey.

The real problem isn’t the momentary slip. On a long journey, times of struggle are inevitable. The real issue is what happens in my thinking. I let it slide one day, then get frustrated with my lack of discipline. Frustration allows me to slide a bit more, and suddenly the voices tell me I’ve failed.

I start to pout, tell myself it’s no use. This week’s a loser, and now the whole thing’s screwed up. I’ll never make it. I don’t have the discipline. I’m a failure.

Might as well quit.

Falling off the wagon temporarily is just that—it’s temporary. It’s a momentary setback on a long, difficult road. Falling isn’t failing unless I refuse to get up.

I messed up a week, lost some fitness, maybe missed some in-progress goals. That’s not good, but the bigger picture’s still out there. The Crazy Quest is much larger than a single week.

So this morning I get back on the bike. I’ll grumble at myself, probably ride slower and struggle more. But I can’t go back and recover that lost week. I can only go forward, and that’s what my commitment to living on-purpose requires.

If you’ve stumbled, keep going. If you’ve fallen, get up. Don’t allow that momentary setback to become a permanent obstacle.

Are you backsliding in some aspect right now? What can you do to begin moving forward again?

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Don’t Stop

There’s Only One Way–Just Do It

Occasionally I let myself get overwhelmed by the awesome responsibility of representing Christ in the world. Last week I talked about letting my actions speak for me, but I’m afraid that I’m not happy with the message communicated by my behaviors.

I think we get a bit too impressed with ourselves. We buy the American message that God helps those who help themselves (Benjamin Franklin). We want to seize the helm and guide the ship in the right direction. Somehow I believe that I’m responsible, that God’s work won’t get accomplished unless I make it happen.

In one sense, that’s correct. It’s my job to be “Jesus with skin on” to everyone I meet. I am the person He sent onto my particular path, and it’s not okay to let opportunities pass by to share Jesus’ love.

But there’s a huge difference in emphasis. I need to between accept responsibility for my own behaviors and how those behaviors represent Christ. But I don’t need to save the world—that job’s done. God’s purposes will be accomplished despite my failures and mistakes. He’s in control.

I think this is such an important distinction because a sense of guilt results when we take too much upon our shoulders. God understands our weaknesses and limitations. He doesn’t ask us to do it all, only to do what we can, acknowledge our mistakes, and move forward in love. He’s got the ship firmly in His control.

I think He expects our best, but not more. We must remember the basic truths about our role as creature rather than Creator.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Don’t fall into feeling guilty when you fail. Don’t fall into feeling guilty when you miss an opportunity to express Jesus’ love. Don’t fall into feeling guilty about not doing more to save the world.

In fact, don’t fall into feeling guilty—period! That’s the message of SetFreeToday. Nothing you can do can make God love you one bit more or less. That’s what makes us free, and it’s also a wonderfully mysterious paradox. As soon as you stop feeling guilty because you don’t do everything, you’re immediately empowered to do more than you ever imagined!

Question: What’s a failure you need to release to Jesus?

Please leave a comment, visit my website, and/or send me an email at rich@richdixon.net. 

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