Never wrestle in the mud with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

I think there’s a big difference between feedback and criticism.

Earlier this week I wrote about Criticism vs. Feedback. Since feedback can be useful and criticism can’t always be ignored, I thought it might be worthwhile to examine how we respond to feedback and criticism.

Criticism isn’t helpful, and generally I believe that the best response is to dismiss it. When you pay attention to something, you tend to get more of it. Since a critic’s primary motive is to find fault, blame, or complain, there’s not much reason to reward it.

I don’t acknowledge so-called “constructive criticism” because criticism, as I’m thinking about the term, is inherently destructive. However, sometimes it can’t be avoided. Bosses, colleagues, and other associates may be critical; it’s not always possible, and it’s certainly not easy, to ignore their opinions.

DEFINING TERMS

Feedback and criticism may sound similar, so it’s important to differentiate them. Even when identical words are employed, the heart beneath those words and their impact on the listener are substantially different.

Feedback is educational, intended to help me grow by offering an outside view of my behavior. Criticism focuses on fault finding and blaming. Instead of entering a process to improve it, the critic stands outside the process and throws stones.

Feedback comes from service and humility. Criticism is essentially a passive-aggressive form of bragging that aims to demean and diminish me. The critic seeks attention by casting himself as the expert.

So here are some thoughts about responding to feedback and criticism.

INTERACTION

I want feedback to be interactive, because it’s a conversation in the context of a relationship. I want to ask clarifying questions and determine specifics that help me replicate positive results and improve less desirable outcomes.

Criticism is generally one-way, so it’s sometimes best received in writing. This allows for some emotional distance and prevents an endless, on-and-on barrage.

Written criticism has another advantage—it’s easy to wad up the page and deposit it appropriately in the circular file (or hit DELETE).

INTROSPECTION

Feedback encourages self-examination, an essential aspect of living life on-purpose. Personally, I want to be accountable, so I want feedback. I want people in my circle who reinforce positive behavior, but I also want them to help me see into my blind spots and tell me when I’m getting off course. Feedback, whether congratulation or correction, may be difficult to receive, but it’s an essential part of living life on purpose.

Since I generally wish to dismiss criticism, it’s difficult to learn much from it. However, I need to be open and realize that criticism may contain some nuggets of truth. If I’m confident within my own skin, I can sift through the junk and seek areas that might require attention.

ACTION

For me, living on-purpose involves a desire to learn and grow. When I perceive an area where I’ve missed the mark, I need to acknowledge it and seek ways to improve. I may need to apologize, seek information, or ask for help.

If a critic tells me I failed, that’s not a call-to-action. If I can discern a specific area in which I can do better, I need to address it. Otherwise, there’s that round file and the DELETE key.

EMOTION

I think it’s appropriate to allow emotion in a feedback environment. Genuine joy and sorrow fit within a relationship. Of course this must be tempered by the setting, but authentic feedback involves an emotional investment from the giver, so it’s difficult to deny an emotional response from the receiver.

Criticism is designed to provoke negative emotions so it’s best, though certainly not easy, to avoid an emotional reaction. I’m reminded of another of my favorite admonitions:

Never argue with an idiot. Observers may not be able to tell the difference.

The only thing that results from arguing, crying, or becoming angry with a critic is additional criticism, because the emotion gives the critic the attention he craves. Scripture advises: “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.” [2 Tim 2:23]

Those are some of my thoughts. What’s your take?

How do you respond to feedback and criticism? What would you like to do better?

Did you enjoy this article? Please leave a comment, visit my website, and/or send me an email at rich@richdixon.net.

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If you have no heart to change it, you have no right to criticize it.

I’m skeptical whenever someone wants to provide “constructive criticism.”

I think criticism is a passive-aggressive form of boasting, an easy way to attract attention while trying to appear concerned. Critics often claim that they’re trying to help, but the real intent is to find fault, to highlight some flaw or failure.

In a sadly transparent admission of impotence, the critic tries to cast himself as the expert and raise his perceived status by tearing down someone else. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn, and most fools do.”

Criticism is often simply a cheap way to create artificial controversy. Talk radio and cable “news and commentary” fill endless hours with disrespectful shouting. An argument draws a crowd, especially a loud argument, and criticism is mostly about drawing the crowd.

THE MOB

Criticism often invokes the mob mentality. The critic wants attention and needs others to agree. One guy is screaming and everyone else is parroting and shouting, “Yeah, right. What he said!”

If you’re wondering about a critic’s motives, watch what happens when the spotlight fades. The argument immediately moves to the next topic, because the intent’s always about attracting attention. It was never about actually working for positive change, because that’s usually done in the background.

FEEDBACK

Feedback differs fundamentally from criticism, because feedback occurs within a relationship. Feedback conveys a desire to help, a willingness to step into a valued process at the risk of personal sacrifice. Feedback comes from someone who’s involved, while criticism originates from those outside the fray.

• Feedback seeks to build, create, and improve. Criticism aims to destroy and tear down.
• Leaders provide feedback. Bosses criticize.
• Feedback is hard work. Criticism is easy.
• Feedback comes from a position of humility and service. Criticism involves authority and centers attention on the critic.
• Feedback values people and requires relationship and trust. Criticism focuses selectively on results to devalue individuals and their efforts.
• Feedback requires an emotional investment from the giver, and has the potential to build the emotional reserves of the receiver. Criticism reverses the process.
• Feedback needs to be carefully evaluated by the receiver. Criticism needs to be discounted and discarded, though doing so is not easy.
• Feedback is communication. Criticism is gossip.
• Feedback can be painful, but it offers the possibility of growth and improvement. Criticism is hurtful by nature.

I want authentic feedback, even when it’s difficult or even painful to hear. I want a circle of folks who care enough to take the risk of helping me to improve, and I hope I’m open to considering and acting on that sort of input.

I also want to identify and ignore criticism and critics. Without being disrespectful, I want to dismiss criticism as an inevitable result of trying to accomplish something meaningful. In fact, perhaps the presence of a cynical critic is a sign that I’m on the correct path.

I want my feedback from people I trust and respect. As someone once said, “No statue has ever been created to honor a critic.”

Let’s be willing to invest in others by offering feedback. And let’s avoid being critics.

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.

How do you see criticism and feedback?

Next time we’ll talk a bit about receiving feedback and criticism.

Did you enjoy this article? Please leave a comment, visit my website, and/or send me an email at rich@richdixon.net.

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