Do you have trouble saying NO?

One of the popular bits of advice floating around these days is to say NO more frequently.

You’re heard it. We’re all over-committed. Too much on the schedule, too many demands, too much media, email, and activity. We scramble from one shallow thing to the next like a stone skipping across a pond, reaching the other side but hardly getting wet.

It’s obvious that scurrying through life is no way to live, that we need slower, deeper interactions. I suggest that NO may not be the best place to begin.

Maybe we begin with YES. Maybe we say YES to:

• A God-sized dream we’ve tried to ignore for too long.
• Writing a better story with the gifts God’s given us.
• Investing in deeper, more passionate relationships with God, others, and ourselves.
• Stepping out in faith, taking a risk, trusting God with something that scares us to death.

And you’re thinking that you’re already buried and the very last thing you need is one more big commitment. I’d suggest that may be precisely what you need. Once you choose (and it is a choice) what you absolutely must do, the things to which you need to say NO become clearer.

I don’t know what that might be for you. I’ve experienced a few of these YES moments in the past decade or so: Writing a book, changing careers, doing RICH’S RIDE. In each case, one YES precipitated a bunch of obvious NO’s. If you’re serious about something important, you’d better count the cost first because you’ll likely have to let go of some important stuff.

And perhaps that’s the best way to discover the necessary NO’s. Even a request that feels important requires a NO when it diverts you from an essential YES. It’s one function of my three key words for 2011: ride, book, and workshop. Before I tackle anything big I measure it against those three words. If it doesn’t fit, perhaps it needs to be a NO.

I’m finding that positive commitments and positive habits are much easier to keep. They fill space with good stuff, leave a bit less space for bad stuff, and make it easier to know when to say NO.

What’s your take? Any similar experiences? What might you need to say YES to?

Please leave a comment.

# # # # #

One of the things I like about blogging is the stuff I miss. I miss a lot.

It’s an immediate medium. I do actually put a bit of thought into the words, but we all know it’s also something of an in-progress work. So I frequently receive comments that cause me to think deeper or further.

One of my most frequent commenters is my lovely wife, Becky. Her comments usually occur in the kitchen, prefaced gently by a phase like, “Did you think about …?” Mostly the answer is, “No, I didn’t think about that at all.”

So I wasn’t surprised when she asked yesterday whether readers might feel like I was leaving God out of the mix when I used Don Miller’s metaphor and encouraged you to Share A Great Story.

Two good questions: first, did I leave God out of the equation? I hope not. If I did, it wasn’t intentional. I don’t believe it’s possible to live a truly great story that’s not centered on His will.

And there’s the second question: Is God’s will more like a compass or a map? In story language, who’s the author?

In map language, God’s the author. God has a detailed plan for our lives written in advance. Our task is to discover and follow that plan. God provides the map, I do my best to follow it.

In compass language, I’m the author—following God’s outline or direction. He defines the parameters of a great story and gives me unique gifts and opportunities to use them. He wants me to be creative, as He’s creative. He wants me to write a great story, using Him as compass or co-author or guide.

I don’t think either model is 100% correct. God isn’t that simplistic. As I’ve said before, there’s mystery in the interplay between human free will and God’s omnipotence that’s slightly (or maybe more) beyond my comprehension.

But it’s obvious which way I lean. God’s will for my life is pretty clear. He wants me to spend time with Him, love my wife, share my gifts with others, care for the needy. That seems to be compass language that points me toward True North. It’s up to me to fill in the details, and always be willing to let Him interrupt.

What He doesn’t seem to want is for me to sit around waiting for a cosmic traffic light to tell me to get moving. The light’s already bright green.

“Follow me.”

“Go and make disciples.”

Time to go. You and I and God have a story to write.

Please leave a comment.

# # # # #

Here’s a humble answer to a difficult question.

I invite you to check out the latest edition of Rich’s Semi-Regular Newsletter.

2012 is off and flying!

What if someone wrote a blog post and suddenly a discussion broke out?

That happened yesterday over at 300wordsaday in  a reflection titled Don’t Plan. Prepare.  Jon’s thoughts and his readers’ comments prompted me to examine my New Year’s notions about resolutions and goals. I’ve felt an anxious discomfort, and Jon’s article helped me understand why.

I imagine we’ve all been involved with an organization or two that’s constructed an elaborate vision/mission statement. Mostly they’re forgotten and ignored. The only beneficiaries are the consultants who get paid to direct a frustrating exercise in futility.

So what’s the lesson? Are we better off simply moving forward with no sense at all of what we wish to accomplish? Are we supposed to just do stuff and trust that somehow it’ll all work out?

We’ve all heard the adage If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. But what’s the alternative? I think Jon’s correct—the alternative is preparation.

Jon lists some great aspects to preparation:

• Decide to want to learn.
• Develop skills.
• Remove obstacles.
• Learn to wait.

I’d add one more:

Listen.

Preparing implies that you’re preparing for something to happen. All that training and learning and waiting has to lead to readiness. There’s not much point in being all primed and set at the starting line if you ignore the starter.

And there’s the lurking question: Who’s the starter? Who decides when it’s time to go? And, most importantly, who chooses the correct race?

Call them whatever you wish—goals, dreams, resolutions, themes—they have to lead me toward Christ. I can’t follow Him if I’m busy chasing my own self-centered agenda. That’s why those artificially-crafted mission statements fade into oblivion.

Whatever I’m doing–even if I’m diligently and faithfully preparing–I must be willing to allow Him to interrupt. It’s one of the lessons I learned from Rich’s Ride:

Great preparation is the key to flexibility.

I have to seek to know Jesus and listen for His voice. And when I hear it, I have to be prepared and willing to obey.

And until then, I prepare and wait and listen.

Please leave a comment here.

Want to receive free updates?
Click below to get Bouncing Back
delivered directly to your inbox.

Have you ever thought, “I have no idea …?

I’ll bet you have, and I’ll also bet it’s not true.

This graphic captivated me. Last time (How To Be A Better Funnel) I talked about the funnel as a metaphor for choosing how we spend our resources. Today I want to share another interpretation.

I’ve told you that I’m working on writing the story of Rich’s Ride. I enjoy writing, but it’s very difficult work. This funnel represents how I feel each time I begin a new chapter.

Writing is hard because I don’t just want to use any old words to relate any old story. I want to tell THE story, the one that will touch a reader’s heart, inspire hope, and open up the possibility of chasing God-sized dreams. I hope to write the best possible story—God’s story.

The funnel symbolizes the difficult process of considering idea after idea, churning and distilling and combining, and finally choosing wisely. It’s art, and it’s hard. It means listening and allowing God to speak. It means, to borrow from Jon Swanson, really considering the character of Jesus and choosing words that communicate who He is.

I think we all face an analogous dilemma every morning. We can choose to simply survive and find a way to get through each day. Or we can live on purpose.

Living life on purpose is like creating art. It’s as though God offers a fresh canvas, a blank musical score, or an empty page. Then He says, “Create something beautiful.”

That’s hard work. Beautiful writing or music or paintings don’t just happen. I think it’s the same with choosing to craft a life that pleases God.

I opened with a question: Have you ever thought, “I have no idea what I should do, or what to say, or which direction to turn?”

There’s usually no shortage of ideas or options. “I have no idea …” probably means we don’t want to do the hard work or face the consequences involved in choosing from many available options.

The artist never asks “What will work?” That question can be answered in a variety of ways. The artist refuses to settle for “what works” or even “what’s good.” True art results from “What is best?” And that’s the question God wants me to ask.

I think an effective funnel has a very wide top and a very small and selective bottom. The space between is difficult and, at times, painful.

It’s also the only way to use, and not waste, the day God gives me.

What’s your response?

Please leave a comment here.

Want to receive free updates?
Click below to get Bouncing Back
delivered directly to your inbox.

What does this graphic say to you?

The inspiration for my funky image was a poster created by a student, Ryan Morgan, in response to What did you learn in school?

It’s a thought provoking image that got me thinking in a couple of directions. I’ll share one today and another next time.

As we establish goals for 2012, each of us is, in some sense, a funnel. We’re bombarded by inputs clamoring for attention. Either actively or passively, we all decide how we’ll spend the 1440 minutes God gives us each day.

From an amazing array of options, something emerges from the bottom of the funnel that represents our judgment about the proper use of that particular hour, day, month, or year.

We all have access to the same inputs. We control that part of the diagram to some extent through what we choose to read (or not), the media we consume, and the people with whom we associate.

There’s also a certain amount of the culture from which we can’t realistically isolate ourselves. Unless we cloister ourselves in a monastery, we interact with random inputs from coworkers, neighbors, and media.

All of that stuff, the parts we intentionally choose and those we encounter just by living in society, is what enters the top of the funnel. Some might argue that wisdom lies in tight control of the input. I’m not sure about that.

The real wisdom, the art of living, seems to reside in how we process those inputs. That’s the funnel. That’s what determines whether the output is light or darkness.

The goal, it seems, is to become a better, more intentional funnel.

How can you be a better funnel in 2012?

Please leave a comment here.

* * * * *

Have you tried out that New Kindle?

If you or someone you know found a Kindle under the tree, how about adding Relentless Grace to your reading list–at a special reduced price?

Want to receive free updates?
Click below to get Bouncing Back
delivered directly to your inbox.

…reveals a mixed bag of success and places to improve. I suppose that’s true for most of us.

Do you do some sort of year-end review?

For the past few years I’ve followed the practice of choosing about three words to signify major goals for the year. For 2011, my three words were: Readers, Workshop, and Ride.

Ride: This obviously comprised my big project—and biggest accomplishment—for the year, a 1500-mile hand cycle ride (Nine Miles An Hour)
along the Mississippi River.

Readers: I hoped to attract more of you and find ways to make our connections more meaningful. This was a partial success.

Bigger circle, more readers and audiences—accomplished.

Engagement/meaningful connections—not as much as I’d like.

Workshop: I planned to refine the Bouncing Back Workshop I presented in 2010 and find more audiences.

Here it feels like God said, “Wait.” I just wasn’t ready.

The bike ride gave me a significantly clearer notion of what I wished to communicate. I feel more prepared to tackle this goal in 2012. It’s good to recognize this as an answer to prayer rather than a “failure.”

Key Words For 2012

Looking at what I accomplished (and didn’t) in 2011, I’ve established engagement as my major focus for 2012. Using principles from Lessons From The Jar, I chose three key words for 2012: Ride, Book, and Workshop.

Ride: The tagline for Rich’s Ride inspires this word—Together On A Journey Of Hope. That journey didn’t end in New Orleans.

I don’t know yet exactly what this means for 2012. Perhaps we’ll do another long ride, or a series of shorter ones. I’m just certain that “Ride” isn’t finished yet, so we’ll be working over the next weeks to discover exactly where the next chapter leads us.

Book: “You oughtta write another book.” I keep hearing that, and my gut response is, “Yeah, easier said than done.”

However, I feel strongly that Rich’s Ride spawned some stories that I want to share. I don’t know yet whether it’ll take the form of a published book, an ebook, or perhaps a series of ebooks. But I’m already working on a manuscript, and we’ll see where God takes it.

Workshop: If Rich’s Ride was my big project for 2011, this is “it” for 2012. Somehow, some way, I feel certain that this needs to happen this year on a bigger scale.

This scares me. I don’t know how, I don’t have the resources, and perhaps nobody will respond. Sounds about like where I was with the bike ride a year ago.

Time for another leap of faith.

Do you do some sort of year-end review?

One of my central desires is to Live On Purpose rather than allowing my life to fall around me in some sort of helter-skelter fashion. In Mark Batterson’s words, I want to “pray like it depends on God and work like it depends on me.”

I invite you to join me in assessing 2011 and setting a course for 2012.

Please leave a comment here.

* * * * *

That New Kindle …

… needs some books, and I have just the thing!

If you or someone you know found a Kindle under the tree, how about adding Relentless Grace to your reading list–at a special reduced price?

Want to receive free updates?
Click below to get Bouncing Back
delivered directly to your inbox.

Happy New Year.

I invite you to check out the latest edition of Rich’s Semi-Regular Newsletter.

I’m excited about the gift of possibility symbolized by a new year. Let’s make it a great one!

Are you engaged?

I experienced the Christmas holiday a bit differently this year. For many positive reasons, Becky and I spent the weekend in separate locations.

It’s not something I want to establish as a family tradition, but spending the holiday weekend mostly in solitude allowed some worthwhile introspection. I explored a great book (more later), looked back at a wonderful year, and found a bit of clarity about direction for 2012.

My main focus for 2011 involved expanding the circle. That certainly occurred—most of my blog and speaking metrics increased significantly. But I also learned a valuable lesson: a bigger circle (more people) isn’t the point.

Of course I want more people to read and hear the words—that’s sort of the point of writing and speaking. But unless something happens, unless we learn and grow and change the world, it’s all a bit empty. Something’s missing.

God designed us for relationship. Unless we engage with one another, the circle ends up looking like this. The gears turn, lots of energy’s expended, but very little of value occurs. I’m not interested in attracting more people to this kind of circle.

Engage

So my major focus for 2012 is engagement. If this or any other circle is going to have much impact, it needs to look more like this.

I’ll admit that this scares me. I’m not really sure how to make it happen. I’m stepping into territory that makes me uncomfortable. It’s much safer to just spin my little cog in my own little protected circle.

And—engaging is tricky. Everybody’s spinning in their own direction at their own speed, and if you’re not careful you get a lot of grinding and even some stripped gears. Frankly, I’m tempted to delete all of this and choose a less challenging direction.

This is the point at which I’m forced to confront my personal core values: Agape, Grace And Truth, Courage. I don’t want them to be empty words on a page, so I’ll skip the DELETE button.

The problem with relationships is that they involve humans, which makes them complex and difficult and messy. But I’ll risk a little gear-grinding to follow the path in which I believe I’m led.

So I’m establishing goals that’ll guide me to increase engagement. More about that next time—for now, a question:

How can you become more engaged in 2012?

Please leave a comment here.

* * * * *

That New Kindle …

… needs some books, and I have just the thing!

If you or someone you know found a Kindle under the tree, how about adding Relentless Grace to your reading list–at a special reduced price?

Want to receive free updates?
Click below to get Bouncing Back
delivered directly to your inbox.

Happy Monday!

I hope you enjoyed a peaceful Christmas weekend. Today we begin a week traditionally dedicated to  our word-of-the-week…

REFLECT

During Rich’s Ride I used this photo in a post titled The Right Rear View. The gist was that the rear view mirror should be small. Most of what’s important is ahead.

You shouldn’t stare at the mirror, but a wise rider doesn’t ignore it, either. There’s a time to look back. The point is to use what’s in the mirror to improve the ride.

This week is my time to reflect.

I base my reflection process on one of my absolute favorite metaphors: Lessons From The Jar. I just re-read this important message—I invite you to take a look.

This year I’m also meditating on the passage that inspired me during Rich’s Ride:

Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19

I’ll re-examine my core values:

• Agape (The Choice Of Agape)
• Grace and Truth (Grace And Truth)
• Courage (The Priority Of Courage)

I’ll look back at my three key words for 2011 and the goals they represent:

• Readers
• Workshop
• Ride

Then I’ll look forward, because that’s the reason for reflecting.

God’s doing a new thing–I want to perceive it.

Have a great final week of 2011.

* * * * *

An Empty Kindle …

… is a terrible thing.

If you or someone you know found a Kindle under the tree, how about adding Relentless Grace to your reading list–at a special reduced price?