Once you label me you negate me. Soren Kierkegaard
What do you want to be called?
As a wheelchair user, I encounter this question more than most folks. Sometimes it’s directed toward me personally, but more often it comes up in an article or interview. The question-behind-the-question is really “How can we label you in the least offensive manner?”
Of course I have my own sarcastic answer …
But the question-behind-the-answer is “Why do I need a label?”
I get that labels have their uses—they need something to put on those cool blue signs that keep people out of my personal parking spaces. But relationally, labels divide the world into “us” and “them.” They’re an artificial way of identifying good guys and bad guys and obscuring the individual behind the mask.
You’re a conservative—okay, now I know everything about you, right? You voted for him—and now I know whether we’re friends or enemies. You drive this kind of car or belong to that organization—now I know whether to invite you for dinner. Really?
I think it’s a lot more complex than that.
JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL
In twenty-two years of teaching math from a wheelchair, my students taught me a priceless lesson. They cared much more about how they were treated than whether the teacher stood or sat. When I approached them with dignity and respect I had a chance to impact their lives.
Beneath their cliques and weird hair and self-defining clothing, they understood that I was much more than my mode of transportation. Sometimes when I listen to the divisive political rhetoric I wonder whether we’ve advanced beyond eighth grade in our relationships.
If someone wants to know how I describe myself, here’s my answer:
I’m a guy with gifts and challenges. To navigate life effectively, I must find ways to capitalize on the gifts and overcome the challenges.
And I’d add a question: How does that make me different than you or anyone else?
Defining The Circle with labels seems artificially exclusive. That’s why I don’t describe Bouncing Back as a “Christian” blog. I certainly write from a Christian worldview, and I don’t disguise or apologize for that. But I want a broader circle, which is why I prefer Expanding My Circle with an attraction model composed of broad principles. Some folks still choose not to join, and that’s okay. Any worthwhile circle needs a defining boundary that people may not wish to cross.
But I love it when people who aren’t sure about Jesus show up and enter the conversation. I’m not trying to change or fix them, and I certainly don’t want to label them. I simply wish to connect, engage, and see what we can learn from each other.
The great part of an attraction model is that you don’t need to obsess about those outside the circle. You get to be inside, which means you live within the core values that matter most to you.
And you get to trust that, somehow, the folks who show up are the ones who are supposed to be there.
What labels tend to artificially separate you from others?
Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds.
Did you enjoy this article? Please leave a comment, visit my website, and/or send me an email at rich@richdixon.net.
Receive free updates via email:
Related articles:
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Rich,
I really enjoyed that post! Are you gravity impaired? -Too funny. I never heard that one before. Yeah, it may take some time for us to get past the disability, but when we do, we find out what life is truly about…relationships, and learning how to treat others with respect and dignity.
Yeah–I am gravity-impaired, as age and gravity have a way of creating sagging in inconvenient areas. But once again, that really doesn’t make me different from anyone else, except perhaps in the degree and location of the sag!
My favorite label is the one my students used a lot–”folically challenged”–because I could point out that you never see a marble top on cheap furniture!
(Gravity works just fine on me when I lose my balance or my legs go numb – I fall rather nicely!)
This is my theory based on observation: people want to sort and categorize things so that they can manage their life more efficiently. The further away from their status quo a thing is (and therefore harder to categorize), the harder time they have dealing with it.
For example, as a teacher you know that we are always told to look past stereotypes and see the students as individuals. I honestly find that partially difficult. I can recognize and identify individual characteristics of personalities, but there are also some categories into which some students easily fall.
I have them every year in my typing classes. Girls who talk non-stop from bell to bell. Boys who are gifted athletically but have great difficulty with typing. Girls who are snobs for whom nothing is of any importance beyond teenager-approved clothing and hairstyle. The rockstars, the rednecks, the geniuses, the quiet and shy. You probably recognize all of them yourself.
This is probably a very politically incorrect statement: it seems that some groups of people demand equality by emphasizing their differences. They insist that the fractions (or factions!) must be combined without a common denominator.
Our big common denominator is that we are all human beings with a limited life span and we are going to be judged/rewarded by God on how we lived our lives. How we lived our lives is affected partially by our challenges, which can be physical, mental, or emotional.
Returning to my theory statement: it’s easier for people to identify physical challenges because 1) they are easier to see and 2) some/most people refuse to accept that their mental or emotional state is less than perfect.
Wow! What a thoughtful response–a lot to think about. I’m particularly struck by your statement that “The further away from their status quo a thing is (and therefore harder to categorize), the harder time they have dealing with it.”
I feel another blog coming on! Great stuff.
Labelling is a skill that we learn as children. It is part of child development to be able to tell one thing (red ball) from another thing (yellow cube). At its most elementary this is fine. The trouble comes when as humans, we want to assign labels and categories to other people, and then react to them based only on those labels.
I think labels are fine, but I have to remind myself everyday that I cannot judge an entire human being and all of what they represent by a mere word or two.
Not too long ago, I came across the fact that there are over 300 kinds of grass. If God saw fit to create over 300 types of something that I can cut down to within an inch of its existence, how could I possibly understand all of the complexity of one human being? Something to ponder.
You’re right–it’s not the label but the reaction that causes the problem. Once I label someone, I don’t have to figure out how to respond to that individual. I can just treat him like I treat all of the others in that category.
Good news–God doesn’t operate that way. And I’m glad.
{ 2 trackbacks }