Comments on: The Need To Be Right

By: Bouncing Back » An Abundance Of Eyes

Bouncing Back » An Abundance Of Eyes — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 13:39:15 +0000

[...] The Need To Be Right [...]

By: Bouncing Back » Busted!

Bouncing Back » Busted! — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:02:35 +0000

[...] The Need To Be Right [...]

By: Bouncing Back » Whatever It Takes?

Bouncing Back » Whatever It Takes? — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:51:25 +0000

[...] The Need To Be Right [...]

By: Rich Dixon

Rich Dixon — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 18:17:36 +0000

I like the idea of distinguishing criticism and feedback–too often I interpret it all as criticism and get defensive. Great point. Thanks.

By: rbee

rbee — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 15:04:06 +0000

1. Humilty says I need to know the difference between criticism and feedback(feedback demands a heart willing to be apart of the solution)
2. I need to ask good questions e.g. ” Are you wanting me to just listen or give feedback?”
3.A willingness to pray for the greatest possible benefit for the greatest number of people for the greatest period of time this is a God job and reframes the subject from who’s right to what’s right.
4. Courage to grow in emotional intimacy w/my helpmate, to often I will settle for the easier softer way of physical intimacy rather than the road less traveled of working together towards emotional intimacy and the maturity to understand that different does not mean wrong.
have a good day.

By: Lori Laws

Lori Laws — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 01:28:35 +0000

Hi Rich, from so much experience… (especially with my husband)

Each of us needs to take into account how the person we are fighting or debating with had an entirely different upbringing than we did…

My husband was raised on a Southern farm, and he just couldn’t understand why I didn’t know to cut apart a chicken! We fought and fought about that. But my mother never taught me how to cook, let alone cut a chicken! I’m a Yankee!

By: Rich Dixon

Rich Dixon — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:59:27 +0000

Well, yeah, but …

Yeah, but–first sign of the need to have the last word. Thanks for the comments, even if they’re wearing you out (#18 from yesterday!)

By: Clark Osborn

Clark Osborn — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:58:14 +0000

GREAT post Rich!

I have GOT to get away with God today, so I’m going to make this short (HA!) and maybe I can give you the long version someday. (Double HA!)

I believe that the majority of people’s need to be right is fueled by two things that work together and have deep roots and strong spiritual components. Those two things are RELIGION and REJECTION and they form a formidable “tag team” that is very hard to defeat.

Rejection leaves us feeling very hurt and very wronged in ways that usually feel very unjust. These wounds cry out for some sort of satisfaction and healing that only Jesus can provide, but most often we turn elsewhere. And that’s where RELIGION (not the “pure and faultless” kind:) steps in.

The feeling of being right is a good feeling and while it doesn’t bring the genuine healing we really need, it does feel good for awhile. It’s truly not all that different than alcohol, drugs, physical pleasures… in that regard. RELIGION (the kind that is NOT faultless), is very much about being right and provides the perfect cover for someone who is trying to “medicate” all those feelings of rejection with the temporary good feelings that they get from being right.

But being right has no more power to heal my rejection wounds than does alcohol, drugs etc. Like those things, the need to become right creates all sorts of problems (bitterness, unforgiveness, pride, selfishness, isolation…) that compound our problems rather than bringing any lasting healing or resolution.

I’ve got more, but I think that’s enough to make the point. We need to bring our rejection issues before the Cross of Jesus Christ. “Being right” will never satify or be satisfied.

And if people don’t agree with me, that would be a great blessing to me on my own road to recovery.