Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. Dr. Seuss
I think we create most of our own stress.
I acknowledge that life’s not always easy. Some of our struggles are our own fault, and some aren’t. We all make mistakes, and accidents happen. But I don’t think our circumstances cause the stress.
Stress seems most acute when I allow myself to believe that I have to do something I don’t really want to do. I seem to experience stress whenever I succumb to the illusion that I must meet someone else’s expectations.
Stress is different than pressure. If I’m working on a project that’s important to me, I feel pressure to do excellent work and meet deadlines. But that sort of pressure is mostly self-imposed and helps me hold myself to high standards. When I set a goal, I press myself to keep my commitments. Accountability to my personal values and beliefs may be difficult, but it rarely feels like stress.
I think we often confuse internal and external expectations. I thought of a few questions to consider whenever I’m feeling stressed.
Is this task important to me? If not, why am I so invested in it?
Am I focused on the process or on the result? Result-oriented thinking may indicate fear of failure. If I concentrate on doing my best, the outcomes will take care of themselves.
What external expectations are clouding my thoughts? Am I trying to follow some real or imagined set of rules? What might happen if I ignored those rules and listened to my own voice?
There are probably others, but this is a start. What do you think?
What seems to cause stress for you?
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